The most truly romantic relationships generally go unfulfilled, generally obstructed by virtue of being too passionate. I caught myself wondering why passion was necessarily at odds with sustainability as I ran into an old ex-boyfriend today.
The most truly romantic relationships generally go unfulfilled, generally obstructed by virtue of being too passionate. I caught myself wondering why passion was necessarily at odds with sustainability as I ran into an old ex-boyfriend today.
All great love stories are tragedies, Romeo and Juliet being the obvious example. Anna Karenina, being one of my favourite books, is a greater exemplification of the principle in an oblique sort of fashion. In unjust abridgement of the plot, Anna, a married woman, carries on a turbulent affair with Vronsky. Upon abandoning her family in pursuit of Vronsky, they are free to carry out their romance. It ends unhappily, as she becomes increasingly jealous, possessive, and neurotic of her lover, and he unhappy with his paranoid and pregnant wife.
This is the unspoken continuation of most intense romances. The more intense the passion, the shorter the relationship, at least as it stands to be ideally. I’m reminded of a couple emotionally turbulent relationships I’ve had with men, but which I never allowed to come into fruition. The electricity of those interactions were often frightening, and awakened deeply personal and also impulsive parts of me.
It’s being familiar with every deeply buried crevice of another’s soul after the first conversation. What left is there to pursue? There is always the initial intrigue, that drives you to dig deeper, but being allowed to uncover them oftentimes reveals nothing. The impression of meaning and passion is more favourable than the smoke and mirrors it often is. This kind of passion is never conducive to a real, deep love that lacks envy or venom.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever fall in that kind of whirlwind, all-consuming love again. At times, I long for its destructive, wholly consuming embrace, but mostly I’m happy with the stable men I’ve opted for. The former always leads to devastating heartbreak. I wonder if this demonstrates a lack of integrity on my part in pursuing relationships: is this electric intensity the way love is always supposed to be? Sensible GirlGame dictates ‘not’, but that uncalculated romantic in me, that rears its ugly head every so often, always infringes upon my happy existence with a sliver of doubt.
Emotional intensity aside, is there anything greater that we can hope for than to be fully known, both strengths and weaknesses and loved despite our faults? Short-term intensity of feelings pales in comparison and leaves a bitter emotional hangover if that intensity is for a person who can stir our emotions but is fundamentally self-centered. I’d rather be in a relationship with someone who can love consistently and who doesn’t regularly need some intense emotional experience. Ideally, both would be present but such relationships are rare.